Influence or Control – Part 1

A Lamplighter Moment from Mark Hamby

The responsibilities of a father can be difficult to balance, especially when children start spreading their independent wings. Even when his children are young, a father must balance his role of authority with love, gentleness, and mercy.

Men who were raised in authoritative homes are more likely to carry over-balanced authority into their relationships with their children and their wives. Too often, men who are authoritative are blind to their faults, justifying their aggressive behavior in the name of protection and authority.

Though there is a fine line between protection and control, there is a test that will help determine one’s motives. It is the test of love. Perfect love not only casts out all fear, but can eventually change one’s temperament. For a man’s temperament to be changed, he must first desire to be changed and be willing to accept constructive criticism from those he loves.

In the book, Four Pillars of a Man’s Heart, Stu Weber captures the essence of why men become so out of balance as they exercise authority. He sees man as a King, a Warrior, a Mentor, and a Friend. I would like to add one more to the list–a Priest. Weber goes on to describe that as a King, a man cares deeply; as a Warrior he contends courageously; as a Mentor, he communicates transparently; as a Friend, he connects deliberately, and as a Priest, he commits sacrificially. When these core characteristics are out of balance, they can irreparably destroy relationships. When in balance, they give a man the admirable and attractive qualities that make him worthy of following.


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